Conformity:it really isn’t everything
Dear 20-something year olds,
Leaving full-time education is a brilliant, exhilarating experience – you are finally, according to your ignorance and naivety, free. You no longer have to conform to the rules set down by crusty teachers or, even worst, your parents…or so you thought. One would certainly think that these pressures of conformity would disappear before you step onto that first post of the career ladder, but is this charge of ours to gain such a concrete footing conforming within itself?
The dreaded question ‘what do you want to be’ was anxiously asked around my friends and I as our last ever week of university lectures loomed. Everyone automatically clutches onto their £3.20 pint as heart rates increase and ‘relax’ notifications from smartwatches start pinging. If you didn’t have an answer, which I can assure you only actually 1/10 people truly did, you would quickly choose one of your many backup plan ideas. ‘Marketing’ was normally the safest option, people daren’t seem dim and ask what this really meant. I embarrassingly had to google it. My personal chosen life vessel was a Law conversion, which, hand on heart, I had no actual idea about what I was inflicting onto myself. At least it wasn’t a closed bookend.
Having come out of the other side of what I can only describe as agony, I still had not found my ladder. I felt like an imposter, and, ultimately, a failure. I compared myself to friends who were excelling in roles or graduate schemes, such achievements being proudly trumpeted on LinkedIn…with a great use of a thesaurus. Such anxieties were fuelled by family members asking ‘what’s the next step’ as I scrolled through Instagram posts captioned ‘first meal in the flat’ with a backdrop of Clapham Common. I was still afraid and honestly quite embarrassed to respond to these questions with, ‘I don’t know.’
Third party expectations, be it from family, friends or society itself, have scarily become the current behind people’s choice of direction. What if there needn’t be a current at all? Still water should be a perfectly acceptable choice for people to stop and reflect. It is important to retain an openness to what may happen next and rather lean into this uncertain water. This water is where my own vessel is currently residing, and I couldn’t be any happier for this decision.
I had become worked up as I attempted to juggle my studies with finding an acclaimed job, whilst also fooling myself into thinking that I was maintaining that much coveted ‘life/work balance.’ For the first time, I didn’t have a ‘next step.’ Whilst I drove myself into becoming a version of myself that I wasn’t exactly proud of, my mother gave me some wise words that caused the dam to collapse and allow my anxieties to be washed away: it is okay to not know.
The average age of retirement in the UK is just under 65 years old, with a study showing that only a scary third of UK workers are satisfied with their jobs. This, for me, is terrifying. Having spoken to a few individuals who deem themselves within this category, I came to understand that taking the first opportunity that comes to you is one of the reasons behind this unhappiness. Societal pressure being one of the main driving forces. There is plenty of time to give yourself an opportunity to, first, learn about yourself, and I don’t mean the image portrayed on your CV, and second, time to decipher in which direction your motivations lead you. Don’t be ashamed of a short-term job, I personally fashioned a local child’s drool on many an afternoon, it is fine to be on the path to finding something that you truly enjoy.
I encourage you, especially during the Christmas period, to refrain from allowing outside anxieties to steer you, and rather, allow yourself to discover what really is the drive behind you. Life is short.
Isabella x
